Wednesday: maybe a bit better

Oh dear, I hear a strange noise from my little Mac, like my hard drive making noises.  That's all I need is a crash.  This is an old computer according the the younger generation of techies.

A positive thing happened today, but then sort of got done in.  I spoke to the nurse about the possibility that Redjeb was over-medicated.  He listened and then put him on half the dose and also put him on an as needed basis.  This seemed to work out wonderfully for several hours.  Redjeb became more alert and even a little perky.  I began to wonder though that if he left the cloudy peace of his Oxycontin (or whatever oxy it is) that he would start to realize what is really going on.  But he seemed just more there, though the not-following-commands still remained.  I had some hope that maybe that would clear up too, but then he became quite upset as his breathing was bad at one point (related to the trach).  The nurse interpreted this as he might be in pain and gave him more pain killer and at the old higher dose.  But at least it was good to see him having some relatively lucid time.

I played some Shostakovitch and Beethoven for him from apps on my cell phone, and at one point even went on You Tube and played for him his own violin concerto.  Wasn't too sure how much of this he was getting, but I think he was.  Sometimes his hands and arms even moved a bit when the music was on.

I have been talking to the woman who comes to clean Redjeb's room.  She is from Turkey originally.  Her children are in college or grads and beginning to be in professions.  She said that when she first started working in the intensive care unit, for the first month she would hide in the utility closet and cry for an hour.  Then she would cry when she went home.  She could not bare the suffering she saw.  But she said her daughter talked to her, and she now just reminds herself that she has a job and needs the job and tries not to look.  I wonder if hospitals ever consider support or orientation services for the maintenance staff.  I've worked in hospitals and am not aware of such.  I believe that these people and the impact the environment has on them may be overlooked or minimized at best.

My nephew Will arrived this eve. We went for Indian food.  It is good to have his company and to remember that there are lives out there beyond the hospital. I must be a big bore.  My world is really narrow and I repeat the same things over and over.
Wonder when I will ever reemerge.

I moved back to the hotel since Will is staying here.  Have to remember what my hotel routine is:  swimming if I have the time in the morning, free breakfast such as it is.  If I can figure out how to put a video on this blog, I will show you the pancake machine.  But not tonight, I am really wiped.  Going to try to get to bed early.

On an up note, as I was winding my way through a back corridor of the hospital this eve, on my way out, what did I see sitting on a stack of papers to the side but my favorite orange hat.  It must have fallen out of my tote bag this morning and someone sat it aside.  It was waiting for me all day and I didn't even realize I had lost it.  Yeah!

Good night